Bittersweet
by ShadowDianne
Summary: Prompt made by shaakeeit, drama and possibly trigger warnings because of psychological problems and pharmacologic consumption (No Adicction!Fic) Regina and Emma are happily together but when both of them try to make the next step on their relationship Regina founds herself drawn back to old nightmares she thought she had already defeated.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N This was created thanks to my girlfriend who asked for a prompt even if we both knew that I was going to ask her question after question in order to be as real as possible with the facts of this story.**

**The prompt was asked to be a mere and pure fluff but as the story grew so did I our interest to show some other points of view, transforming the story in something that yes, it's fluff but also drama. I want to dedicate the story to her, not only because she gave me the original idea but also because she was there every time I needed a psychologist to help me with the details. (And because she understands my need to write and encourages it)**

**Disclaimer: As usual the characters aren't mine.**

Moving in

Regina smiled as David waved from inside his truck one last time while Henry and Emma finished with the blonde's last box.

"Feeling better?" Emma whispered to the brunette as Regina closed the main door of the mayoral mansion with a soft motion and the older woman nodded quickly before kissing Emma's soft lips hearing Henry made gagging noises somewhere at her back while doing it.

"Yes" Regina muttered back and smiled as Emma lift her body and kissed her once again, a soft laugh escaping the younger woman's lips as Regina sank her hands into the blonde's mane.

The first weeks after her own proposal the brunette had been nervous and feeling a little bit off. Old nightmares had resurfaced as the day chosen for Emma's move in approached little by little. Emma had sensed Regina's discomfort and had asked about it but the only thing that the older woman could say was that a strange ball of anxiety seemed to appear inside of her every time she tried to close her eyes. However the feeling disappeared as sooner as it had appeared and Regina convinced herself that was a mere product of her own extenuation and nervousness as the day in which she was going to live with Emma approached.

They had needed to walk a long path to be where they were standing and, as Regina watched how Emma and Henry pushed the heaviest objects up the stairs, she smiled at the thought of being finally free from her own destiny. One that Emma had shown her didn't mean that she needed to obey to be actually happy.

Two years had passed since the Author's debacle or, as many Storybrooke citizens liked to say; The third and final curse. Being left alone in the enchanted forest once again without Henry and Emma had finally forced Regina to open her eyes and admit to herself that she didn't want a written future but one of her own, without any soulmates lurking in the shadows. After that twisting revelation Regina had traveled through all the enchanted forest, meeting very different people that had helped her to accept her feelings for the one that in that particular realm was called The Cursed One, a.k.a Emma Swan.

But that time had passed and Regina hugged her now impossibly tall son quickly before helping Emma until the last object was put on what was going to be its place from now on.

And, Regina promised herself as Emma laughed at Henry when the lanky boy's voice faltered once again due to his hormonal growth, she was going to be as happy as she deserved, even if that ball had started to move inside of her once again making her tremble for a second.

Deep down she fought against the idea of talking with Emma about the nightmares and blank nights in which the mere idea of sleep seemed completely impossible but the feeling was something so volatile that another part of her prevented her to doing it since she feared that Emma wouldn't understand it. Besides, she thought as she let out a small laugh when Emma tickled her son until the boy asked for mercy, there was nothing that could go wrong. She wasn't going to be the one to make everything worse because of a small old fear.

She was stronger than that.

**A/N The moments described on the sixth paragraph are the preview of another story that I'm currently working on it that's going to be called "The Missing Page"**


	2. Chapter 2

Nightmares

If Regina had had a diary she would have wrote that everything started a week after Emma's first night as a full member on the mayoral mansion. But it was true that the first set of nightmares started a few days after that.

The nervous ball started to get stuck inside of her instead of disappearing as it had been the usual until now and Regina's strongest fear of making Emma leave her grew proportionally to that particular feeling. Sleeping was also an option that slowly became increasingly difficult as nightmares swarmed her dreams and it was rare the night in which Regina was able to sleep without any interruption as she started to found herself awaking in the middle of the night with no recollection of what she had been dreaming earlier on.

The brunette thought that she was nervous because of the new adventure that both Emma and she had started as an unite family and she refused to talk about it with the younger woman since she feared that Emma would make her questions that she didn't have the answer for. Nervous because of that, the brunette kept her strange nights to herself and started to read as a manner of trying to pass the time while she waited for the elusive slumber.

Even after pieces of her own dreams started to appear inside her mind once she was awake she refused to talk to Emma about them, the blonde's strong body the only thing that she could turn to whenever the wildest nightmares appeared behind her shut eyelids in the middle of the night.

Truth was that the presence of the blonde woman was becoming slowly but surely a gift disguised as another nightmare, a ticking bomb that Regina felt attached to her body tighter and tighter each day she fought against another long night with little sleep. And so, after the first week and a half after the blonde's move, Regina opened her eyes for the third time on the night with sweat cooling over her skin as her dreams were once again interrupted with a nightmare.

With trembling hands she straightened herself and touched her forearms, her cold digits grazing her naked skin as Emma kept sleeping at her side. The blonde's body was barely covered with the white sheet and Regina found herself smiling softly at the sight of Emma's childish way of carrying herself; the younger woman lips were slightly parted and a single strand of gold hair moved alongside with the women's breathing as the rest of her lithe limps were splayed over the mattress, the digits of the woman's left hand close enough to Regina to actually feel Emma's body heat.

Regina sighed, admiring the beauty of the one that had asked and pleaded to not be considered the savior even if Regina herself liked to think of her as a very special one, the kindness and brightness that Emma had brought to her unique and more powerful that all the magic that could ever exist.

Until now at least, she thought briefly as she muffled a groan against the palms of her hands, a silent scream growing at the back of her throat as that damned ball bounced inside her chest making her want to hit the walls she felt herself in. How she could explain to Emma that she was safe, that they were safe but she kept having dreams and nightmares of things that had already happened? How she could explain to the younger woman that the idea of merely explaining how she felt made her reluctant and full of fear? A fear that grew and swirled inside of her, that covered her lungs every time she tried to expel it and seeped back to her brain whenever she wasn't looking for it, a fear that seemed to be as indestructible as the strongest spell and twice as hard because she couldn't sense any magic in it?

"I'm weak" She thought as she turned and tried to sleep once again "These are only nightmares, tiredness, nothing else."

But as she found herself opening her eyes a few hours later with Emma's kiss still tickling her right temple she sighed and nodded, fighting back the tiredness that threatened to take her like an insidious spell that seemed ready to overtake her.

* * *

Soon enough even if she managed to appear as fresh as if she would have sleep an entire night without interruptions her mood darkened because of the lack of sleep and the deprivation of rest.

That particular thing made her feel slower, as if everything around her happened quicker that what she could understand and entire words of phrases seemed to lose their meanings since she started to feel the anxious ball inside of her more often, when she was doing actions that she had been doing without any problems before. The fear that Emma could see how weak she was made her tremble slightly whenever she needed to call her or see her and the same happened with Henry. She was still there, calling them and passing time with them, she kissed Emma and hugged Henry and interacted with everyone, but the fear of being discovered as if she was feeling something forbidden made her feel like a child once again; when she tried to play with Rocinante after her mother told her that she needed to do other things.

There were times in which she chastised herself for being like that since she knew, deep down knew, that what she was doing wasn't something bad, wasn't something punishable and those times she felt free, unbidden. As if a high burden had disappeared from her shoulders. But the weight and the ball- which she had started to think of it as a rock- returned. And with them the fear.

It wasn't a fear based on something real; she told herself every time she felt it again. It was stupid being afraid simply because she needed Emma and the blonde had always listened to her. But she was also embarrassed of needing such help, of needed something for a fear that was only on her head, a problem that merely existed for her, a stupid problem that she needed to finish on her own.

And so, even if her body craved for something more that Emma's sleepy embraces and the blonde's continuous affections she refused to told her what was happening inside of her. The embarrassment and the fear that Emma would actually be bothered by such a thing like a sleep deprivation making her close her mouth and turn around every time another nightmare appeared on her mind.


End file.
